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- About Aromatherapy Essential Oil [1 Update]
- Solving The Mystery Behind Fat To Diet Healthy [1 Update]
- The Peanut Allergy Problem [1 Update]
- Asserting Your Online Marketing Message [1 Update]
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- Find Out Why Men Fear Commitment (and How To Help) [1 Update]
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- "Kelly Johnson" <submissions@isnare.net> Mar 26 12:40PM +0800
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Article Title: About Aromatherapy Essential Oil
Author: Kelly Johnson
Word Count: 659
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Essential Oils are a high concentrate of oils that come from aromatic plants that are the used in aromatherapy. Aromatherapy essential oils are used to promote healing of the mind, body, and soul.
Aromatherapy essential oils can be used individually or with other oils to create the effect that you want. But before you mix oils it's important that you completely understand how each oil works and the effect it has on the mind, body, and soul.
Aromatherapy essential oils are found in different parts of the plant. Some oils come from the bark or twigs, while others come from the flowers or leaves. In some fruits it is the rind that is used. For example the essential oil of the rose is found in the flower while for sandalwood it is in the wood, and for basil it is in the leaf.
There are many ways to extract those essential oils but they are both expensive and time consuming. It also requires a great deal of experience to ensure that you are actually capturing the aromatherapy essential oils.
For example, did you know it takes 220 pounds of rose petals just to produce 4 teaspoons of oil? Can you imagine trying to produce these essential oils in your home? Now some people do. They diligently learn to become an expert but for the most part and for most of us it makes more sense to leave the creation of aromatherapy oils to the professionals.
Then you just buy the aromatherapy essential oils you want. Only a few drops of these highly concentrated oils. You can make up your own oils by using olive oil or almond oil as your base.
Synthetic oils can be purchased for a lot less and although they smell very nice they do not have the medicinal value of the natural oils. Put simply there's no healing power in synthetic oils. It is very important that you purchase natural aromatherapy essential oils.
Aromatherapy essential oils immediately impact on our senses. When we inhale the scent our olfactory cells are stimulated and the message is sent to the limbic system which is the emotional center of the brain.
This is the portion of the brain that is linked to our memories, blood circulation, and breathing. The aromatherapy essential oils each have a different set of properties and fragrance which will effect each of the systems differently.
Different essential oils are absorbed by the skin at different rates which can ranges from 20 minutes to 2 hours so you may not always get the maximum effect and benefits of the aromatherapy essential oil right after applying.
Essential oils have three notes top, middle, and base note and each essential oil is described by its note which really just means how long the scent will last.
Top notes are uplifting and stimulating and very strong lasting up to 24 hours. The following oils are classified as top notes – thyme, sage, peppermint, neroli, lemongrass, coriander, clary sage, bergamot, and basil.
Middle notes can last up to 3 days and affects metabolic functions. The following oils are classified as middle oils – rosemary, lavender, juniper, hyssop, geranium, fennel, chamomile, and balm.
Base notes are the slowest to evaporate. They can last up to a week and have a sweet soothing scent which is relaxing and comforting. The following oils are classified as base oils – sandalwood, rose, jasmine, ginger, frankincense, clove, and cedarwood.
Combining all three notes will give you the best results but it's important to realize that when making aromatherapy essential oils that there is no right or wrong blends and there certainly are no fixed blends. The more blends you make the more comfortable you will become and the easier it will be for you to create blends that are right for you.
About The Author: Get all the latest information about Aromatherapy, from the only true source at http://www.myaromatherapyinfo.com. Be sure to check out our aromatherapy essential oil pages.
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- "Kelly Johnson" <submissions@isnare.net> Mar 26 12:33PM +0800
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Article Title: Solving The Mystery Behind Fat To Diet Healthy
Author: Kelly Johnson
Word Count: 1269
Article URL: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=134038&ca=Wellness%2C+Fitness+and+Diet
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Lots of people are on diets and their efforts should be commended for it. Or should they? The idea of watching what you eat is always a good idea, however many of us don't have all the information we need to make the right decisions, even though we may think we do. We assume we're eating what's good for us, but are we really? A big part of the problem stems from the mystery around fat. How can incorporating fat into a diet be healthy? we ask. Well, you might be interested to know that there is such a thing as healthy fat and also that we need a certain level of it in our bodies to ensure proper function and good health – 3 to 9 servings a day to be exact. Yes, it sounds confusing. That's why we've listed each of the most common types of fats here for you with a good outline of what each is, including whether or not it's one we need to incorporate into our diet or avoid at all costs.
SATURATED FAT
Saturated fats raise our LDL levels and result in the bad cholesterol of our blood. Thus, it is obviously one of the fat types we want to avoid in mass consumption because aside from high cholesterol, the effects it has on our body can also lead to heart disease. Saturated fat is mostly found in food products that result from an animal source. However, some also stem from plants as well and are widely used in commercially made products, eg junk food. So it's always a wise choice to check the nutrition labels on any processed and prepared, packaged foods that you're thinking about buying before you put it in your basket and take it home if your goal is to follow a diet that is healthy. Here's a list of some of the foods that contain saturated fat:
• Butter
• Cream
• Cheese
• Coconut Oil
• Palm Oil
TRANS FAT
Trans fats and trans fatty acids are bad, bad, bad. Of course, just like saturated fats, they taste good. So if you must, consume in very small quantities but definitely not on a consistent basis. And always keep in mind that they raise our bad cholesterol and lower the good (figures). Trans fat, or TFA as is also known as, start out in a liquid form and are then commercially processed to become solid at room temperature, as in shortening. When you see the terms 'hydrogenated' and 'partially hydrogenated' listed as an ingredient on that bag of chips or numerous other forms of unhealthy snacks, this is what it's referring to as well. Trans fat is used in these products to increase their shelf life so that should be sending up a red flag for you anyway and telling you that they will not keep your diet healthy. Trans fats are also used to enhance the flavor of fried food, which unfortunately they do. And they're also used in some brands of margarine as well – which is kind of good news for all you butter lovers. You'll start seeing the actual phrase 'Trans Fat' on more and more nutrition labels in the very near future as the FDA has enforced this requirement within the commercially processed food industry.
MONOUNSATURATED AND POLYUNSATURATED
These two types of fats are actually good for you. They raise the good cholesterol in your blood while lowering the bad. To keep your diet healthy, choose more foods that contain these fats instead of the other two discussed above. The list of monounsaturated and polyunsaturated-rich food includes:
• Avocados
• Sunflower Seeds
• Sesame Seeds
• Canola Oil
• Olive Oil
• Peanut Oil
So now that the fat mystery is solved, take advantage of this information and use it to your benefit so that you can keep your diet healthy.
How can incorporating fat into a diet be healthy? we ask. Well, you might be interested to know that there is such a thing as healthy fat and also that we need a certain level of it in our bodies to ensure proper function and good health – 3 to 9 servings a day to be exact. Yes, it sounds confusing. That's why we've listed each of the most common types of fats here for you with a good outline of what each is, including whether or not it's one we need to incorporate into our diet or avoid at all costs.
SATURATED FAT
Saturated fats raise our LDL levels and result in the bad cholesterol of our blood. Thus, it is obviously one of the fat types we want to avoid in mass consumption because aside from high cholesterol, the effects it has on our body can also lead to heart disease. Saturated fat is mostly found in food products that result from an animal source. However, some also stem from plants as well and are widely used in commercially made products, eg junk food. So it's always a wise choice to check the nutrition labels on any processed and prepared, packaged foods that you're thinking about buying before you put it in your basket and take it home if your goal is to follow a diet that is healthy. Here's a list of some of the foods that contain saturated fat:
• Butter
• Cream
• Cheese
• Coconut Oil
• Palm Oil
TRANS FAT
Trans fats and trans fatty acids are bad, bad, bad. Of course, just like saturated fats, they taste good. So if you must, consume in very small quantities but definitely not on a consistent basis. And always keep in mind that they raise our bad cholesterol and lower the good (figures). Trans fat, or TFA as is also known as, start out in a liquid form and are then commercially processed to become solid at room temperature, as in shortening. When you see the terms 'hydrogenated' and 'partially hydrogenated' listed as an ingredient on that bag of chips or numerous other forms of unhealthy snacks, this is what it's referring to as well. Trans fat is used in these products to increase their shelf life so that should be sending up a red flag for you anyway and telling you that they will not keep your diet healthy. Trans fats are also used to enhance the flavor of fried food, which unfortunately they do. And they're also used in some brands of margarine as well – which is kind of good news for all you butter lovers. You'll start seeing the actual phrase 'Trans Fat' on more and more nutrition labels in the very near future as the FDA has enforced this requirement within the commercially processed food industry.
MONOUNSATURATED AND POLYUNSATURATED
These two types of fats are actually good for you. They raise the good cholesterol in your blood while lowering the bad. To keep your diet healthy, choose more foods that contain these fats instead of the other two discussed above. The list of monounsaturated and polyunsaturated-rich food includes:
• Avocados
• Sunflower Seeds
• Sesame Seeds
• Canola Oil
• Olive Oil
• Peanut Oil
So now that the fat mystery is solved, take advantage of this information and use it to your benefit so that you can keep your diet healthy.
About The Author: Get all the latest information about Healthy Diets, from the only true source at http://www.1healthydietinformation.com. Be sure to check out our diet healthy pages.
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- "Kelly Johnson" <submissions@isnare.net> Mar 26 12:21PM +0800
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Article Title: The Peanut Allergy Problem
Author: Kelly Johnson
Word Count: 538
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More than 3 million people in America have a peanut allergy which translates into 1 out of every 90 people or 1.10% of the population. The peanut allergy problem continues to grow.
Peanuts are a dietary protein that's very cheap and generally in its purest form is peanut butter. Yet it has become one of the most common foods for allergies. Unfortunately peanuts are finding there way into many different foods and trace amounts are also entering the food chain from varying angles which is making the peanut allergy problem worse.
Because of the seriousness of these allergies foods are not warning that trace amount of peanuts may be in the product while other products are going for the market based on the peanut allergy problem and proudly announcing there are no peanuts in their products so relax and enjoy.
Anaphylactic shock is one allergic reaction. It can move rapidly becoming fatal in just a couple of minutes. It requires epinephrine as the earliest signs. Symptoms include apprehension, flushing, hives, swollen mouth, eyes, or tongue, itching, tightness in the throat and chest, runny nose, vomiting, diarrhea, nausea, stomach pain, sudden fatigue, chills, dizziness, rapid heartbeat, and on the most serious end loss of consciousness and death. The personal allergy problem should not be ignored.
So with the peanut allergy problem being such a problem how come so many still get caught. Sometimes it is a result of incomplete labeling of the packaging, it can also be ignorance of food allergies at schools or restaurants. Some medications can actually cause a peanut reaction, and traces of peanuts aren't always marked on packages.
Although things are improving the peanut allergy problem is enhanced because often food labels aren't carefully read. As consumers we are also not trained to question the contents our food where it is prepared and does not have label packaging such as in restaurant take out. Sharing utensils can even be dangerous to someone with a peanut allergy. And taste testing just a tiny bit can be deadly.
The peanut allergy problem also has an identity issue. Many are not aware that just trace elements can kill. We also have a tendency to minimize or deny the allergy even if we have recognized previous symptoms. Failure to tell someone when an allergic reaction is occurring is also a big problem and the biggest problem is not wearing a medical bracelet that warns of a peanut allergy.
The peanut allergy problem has sees a great deal of failure in the treatment end. Many peanut allergy sufferers do not carry epinephrine sold as Epi-Pen®, Ana-Kit ®. They should have it on them at all times and they do not. And of those that carry it on them many do not use it faster enough. They also do not carry two epinephrine doses on them and they should because the second one is often required. Lastly failure for the individual to be taken to hospital can cause death.
Lifestyle changes, better awareness, better packaging, better training in dealing with a reaction, and faster medical intervention are all ways that will help reduce the peanut allergy problem.
About The Author: Get all the latest information about allergies, from the only true source at http://www.1allergyinformation.com Be sure to check out our Peanut Allergy pages.
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- "Rob Graham" <submissions@isnare.net> Mar 26 12:10PM +0800
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Article Title: Asserting Your Online Marketing Message
Author: Rob Graham
Word Count: 2131
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When I tell people that I create online advertising, it often generates the same level of goodwill one might experience by wearing a New York Yankees cap into Fenway Park.
"Oh," they often say, "Do you make those pop-up ads? I really hate pop-up ads!"
It is at this point in the conversation when I quickly change the subject to something more uplifting like the weather, current events or the contemplation of dental surgery.
It's not lost on me that most people hate this type of advertising. I hate it too. So do most of the people I know who work in marketing. However, most of the online advertising formats that online advertisers use today exist because they have been shown to be effective in generating sales and leads. On the other hand, pop-ups have already gone the way of the dinosaur seemingly having done more to generate business for people to created pop-up blocker software then they did to promote value of the goods and services they represented.
The reality of online marketing is that it's still in its infancy. This is still largely uncharted territory and as a result, many marketers are willing try anything to see if it works for them. This has resulted in waves of new marketing approaches, some which seem designed to drive their potential customers insane with rage.
The point of the matter is that online marketers are looking for ways to reach out to the people they want to become their customers. Unfortunately, in many cases, that reaching out offers the same emotional appeal as being attacked and dragged into an alley.
When I work with online marketers, I often start by reminding them that their real goal is to find a way of communicating with potential customers. It's not about assaulting passersby with a marketing pitch nor is it about tricking people into clicking on ads. All online marketing should be focused on telling consumers what it is that your company or offerings mean to them as individuals.
Each advertisement, online or off, should have a main point that it wants to make. This point should serve to drive the consumer toward making a decision about whether or not they should purchase the products or services being offered.
A few years ago I designed an online marketing methodology I call the ASSERT model. This model outlines 6 steps that any successful online ad needs to incorporate in order to reach out to people in a way that will make them respond favorably. The steps are:
1. Attract the consumer's attention
2. Show the consumer benefit
3. Specify which actions to take
4. Engage the consumer
5. Reinforce the message
6. Terminate the transaction
Let's zoom in for a closer look.
Attract the consumer's attention
The most basic law of marketing is that you first need to get the consumer's attention. Without this step being successful nothing else matters. However, there are ways of attracting attention to products and services being offered online that don't include obnoxious or overly aggressive behavior.
One of the best ways to reach prospective consumers is to show them that you respect them. It's not surprising that most consumers dislike online advertising because of the way they have been suckered, tricked, bombarded and bullied in the past by ads whose only function is to be seen. While these guerilla tactics might achieve the task of getting noticed, they often have the undesired effect of negatively branding the advertiser.
Many of the best results in online marketing come from ad units whose purpose is immediately obvious to the consumer. Ads that offer animations, interactivity and slick graphics are easily noticed and may cause the consumer to linger for a moment to determine if the offer being made fits any personal needs.
The use of language is also a strong draw in attracting a consumer's attention. Ads that quickly get to the point are much more effective then those which end up being too vague or subtle.
Also effective is the use of trigger words such as "FREE", "NEW", "SPECIAL" or "EXCLUSIVE". These dynamic words automatically communicate concepts that appeal to many consumers. We like things that are different and new and special. We especially like free things.
Show the consumer benefit
At the core of most human behavior is the continuous search for ways in which we can improve our lives. As a result, our receptors are always open for any stimuli that appear beneficial.
The primary filter that we all use as we look at the world is one of relevance to our personal needs. Mostly, we make subconscious judgments about the hundreds of opportunities that present themselves to us daily. For example, a marketer earnestly trying to get my attention so that I can be sold the latest fashion in women's shoes is going to have a hard time reaching me. The product being offered is irrelevant to my needs just as I imagine my wife would be a hard sell for a beard trimmer. If the offer isn't relevant to a consumer, then the doorway used to communicate benefit is never opened.
Showing benefit can be as simple as the advertiser explaining what the offer means to the consumer. For example, a tag line that reads "Let us show you how you can save money on your auto insurance" leaves little room for misunderstanding. The benefit is of savings. However, it's also clear that that benefit is also only relevant to those people who buy auto insurance and most specifically geared toward those who already have an automobile insurance policy. For those that the ad doesn't 'speak' to, there's no need to stop and visit.
The method in which the marketing message is delivered also says a great deal about the benefit being offered. Many pop-up ads, spam e-mails and other invasive ads already have a message attached to them. Too often the message states very clearly, "We don't really respect you but hope you're stupid enough to click on our ad."
While there may be a few suckers out there, the majority of consumers are just like you and me. We recognize a good thing readily. We can also recognize a bad thing. If you can express genuine respect when you approach potential customers, you'll do a lot more business.
Specify which actions to take
Advertisers need to think of the ads they run as marketing representatives of their companies. Does that ad reflect the way the advertiser would like to be perceived? Is it apparent that the advertiser has the consumer's best interests in mind? Is the ad showing the consumer the same level of respect that they would receive if they were dealing with the advertiser face-to-face? As a good host, it is up to the advertiser to make the consumer feel comfortable not only with the offer but the way in which that offer is presented.
Just as you'd tell a house guest looking for the restroom that it was 'down the hall, second door on the left', you also need to be able to tell the consumer what actions they need to take to acquire the benefit of the offer being made.
For ads that focus on driving traffic to a Web site, that action might be to click on the ad to visit the Web site. In interactive ad formats, the action might include viewing an online brochure, playing a game or providing data to the advertiser so that a more personalized offer could be made.
Don't make the consumer guess about their role in the marketing process. The human behavioral default when confronted with things that appear unclear or ill-defined is to avoid them in hopes that they go away.
Engage the consumer
Once an ad has grabbed the attention of the consumer, the next task is to find a way to hold that consumer's attention long enough to provide them with the marketing message.
In online advertising the opportunity to request and achieve direct action on the part of the consumer is part of the marketing process. Online advertising doesn't have to be a passive experience nor should it be. There are many ways to get the consumer to participate in the marketing process. Interactive ad formats offer games, simulations, tools and surveys as a way of holding the attention of prospects, while traditional online advertising focuses on driving traffic to the Web site. Either way, the consumer is expected to get involved in the process. Make it clear what is expected on them.
Reinforce the message
Every marketing piece should have a main point it is trying to make. That main point might be a clarification of the benefits being offered, a special deal that has a limited time offer, a list of advantages over what a competitor is offering or simply an opportunity to brand a company's name and logo. As long as you have their attention, make certain that every second counts toward the consumer leaving the experience with a full understand of what the point of the ad is.
Terminate the transaction
Finally, like any good hosting situation, the time will come when your guests will want to leave. Make it possible for the consumer to do so gracefully and with little discomfort. If the marketing task has been completed, thank the consumers for their time and attention and offer a nice clean place to break off the event. A good parting can lead to a positive recollection of the event the next time they see an offer from your company.
Different marketers will have different needs. However, all paths should lead toward getting consumers involved, telling them why an offer is important to them and doing it in a way that is non-threatening and engaging. It just may be the approach that gets you remembered positively.
Sidebar Content
While advertising in general covers a great many topics and approaches, all ads need to be able to communicate clearly with the consumer. The initial question that a consumer will have when seeing any ad is 'What does this offer mean to me?' If the offer is relevant to their needs, the next question will be 'what do I need to do to take advantage of this offer?'
Successful marketing is based on being able to answers these questions before they're even asked. Let's say, for example, that a company that offers mortgage services is creating a simple online ad. The first three steps of the ASSERT model might be:
"Would you like to have more MONEY at the end of the month?'
(Attract attention)
"Refinancing today can save you THOUSANDS of dollars over the life of your mortgage" (Show benefit)
"Enter your Email address and we will instantly send you our FREE report" (Specify action to take)
With those 3 simple lines the relevance message has been successfully delivered.
From that point on, the ad could offer an interactive option that pops up a simple mortgage calculator. (Engage consumer)
By entering their current mortgage information and comparing it again what's being offered the consumer can get a very realistic idea of the savings being offered. (Reinforce message)
At this point, convinced that further exploration is to their benefit, the consumer can safely get more information (that will also serve to reinforce the benefit) just by entering an email address.
Once the email address has been entered and submitted, the ad might respond with a message like 'We have sent you a free report! Thanks for your interest in XYZ Mortgage. Click here to visit our Web site!' (Terminate transaction)
At this point the process is complete. For the consumer who wants to visit the advertiser's Web site that option is available but the real core of the marketing goal has already been achieved. The advertiser has been able to deliver the message to the consumer. While the onus is on the consumer to read over the sent materials and make efforts to refinance, the advertiser can provide periodic email reminders to the consumer.
About The Author: Rob Graham is the Director of Training for LearningCraft, LLC. (http://www.learningcraft.com), a training company catering to the needs of online marketers and businesses learning to communicate effectively in the online world. He can be reached at robgraham@learningcraft.com.
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Article Title: A Beautiful Home Need Not Cost A Pretty Penny
Author: Reba Collins
Word Count: 597
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Most everyone loves to come home to a warm and cozy house at the end of the day but often the beautiful home we envision in our minds is not feasible through our pocketbooks. Does that mean our homes can't be beautiful? Not at all, we just need to use a little more creativity and do a little more homework to get the finished product we can be proud to call home.
When working on a tight budget, the one thing that will give you the most "bang for your buck" is paint. In an instant, paint will add color, personality, and life to any room. It's cheap, easy to apply and will actually change the "feelings" of a room's occupants.
When choosing a paint color, be sure to take into consideration, not only the colors of items that will be staying in the room, but also consider what kind of mood you want to set. Do you want warm cozy colors or fresh, light colors? Color will influence the atmosphere so much that it will impact the mood and emotion taken on by the people who spend time in the room. For example, red is often used in kitchens, dining rooms and restaurants because it piques the appetite. Doing a little research on the internet can help you pick colors and color combos that will work in the room you are decorating.
The next thing that will totally change a room's appearance without spending any money is to change the arrangement of the furniture. Some rooms will lend themselves to multiple arrangements, others will not. Just be sure to consider the functionality of the furniture placement. Simple things like, being sure every sitting area has a table to set a drink on, or being able to move freely through the room are of major importance to ensure the room is comfortable.
Making a change to the floor or windows will have major impact to a room. Adding an area rug to a room or changing the curtains could be all a room needs to give it the "designer look" you want. Remember, these items can be really expensive. Consider checking out garage sales and thrift stores because with a little patience, you may find just what you want without spending much money. Also be aware that these items go on sale and clearance, again, patience could help you save a lot of money. Either way, new or gently used, be sure to watch for good quality and shop around for pricing as where you purchase could make a huge difference in the cost.
The last thing that can really add personality to a room without much cost is adding accessories. Pretty pillows can add a much needed "punch" of color. Vases, candles, picture frames and nick nacks can add sparkle. Art for the walls is a must but doesn't have to be expensive. Pick up old wall art from thrift stores and use the frames for your own art pieces. These frames can be painted, refinished or used "as is" and can make an art piece you painted look like an expensive original. Just be creative.
As you can see, there are many ways to add life and beauty to the living spaces in your home without spending a lot of money. Do a little homework, put on your creative "thinking-cap", use a little patience and get started turning your home into the beautiful and cozy place you've always envisioned.
About The Author: Reba Collins writes about home decorating at her website, http://www.HomeDecoratingInsight.com. Reba's website is packed with info you can use to make your home the beautifully comfortable place you want. Learn about decorating, add comments, & read reviews of your fav TV shows & magazine. Come have fun!
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Article Title: New Trends For Your Bathroom ~ But Hey Wait, I'm On A Budget!
Author: Reba Collins
Word Count: 470
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The new trends in bathroom design are certainly beautiful, elegant, and luxurious but for those of us on a budget it may not be reasonable to totally redo the entire room. There are, however, lots of things you can do to make your bathroom beautiful without spending a ton of money.
Today's trends in bathrooms lean toward relaxation and this can be achieved by thinking "Day Spa" for inspiration. Day Spas tend to use a lot of dark wood in contrast with neutral colors like beige and white. Some then accentuate with a deep color toned with brown for a color punch.
If you are unable to change the basic fixtures in your bathroom to incorporate cabinets that look like furniture pieces or a new stone tiled, glass enclosed shower, you're not alone. So here we're going to look at changing only the items that are not permanent to create the "spa" look we want.
First choose your color scheme and paint any textured drywall surfaces. Neutrals work well for this with white for window and baseboard trim. Using a dark color like black or dark brown on trim is also becoming very stylish. Painting is THE most inexpensive way to totally make a room feel different.
The shower curtain is the next thing to consider. "Classic elegance" is what you need to be thinking when you make this choice. A great way to get a custom look is to make a cloth curtain yourself and add a liner under it. This way you can take it all the way to the ceiling or install a cornice at the ceiling with the curtain falling behind. This is a very custom look and makes a huge impact to the room.
A rug on the floor is a necessity, however, don't choose your rug from the bathroom accessory aisle. Choose a durable room rug that is appropriately sized to add "classic elegance". And never, never, never, never buy one of those bathroom rugs that wraps around the base of the toilet, they are just plain – wrong.
Another thing your can consider to give your bath that "spa look" is to replace the mirror with a framed mirror. But if that's not possible, then add a frame to the existing mirror. You can get molding at Home Depot or Lowes. Just cut the wood to fit your existing mirror by cutting the corners at a 45-degree angel. Then attach the pieces together at the corners with brackets, paint or stain, and hang. You'll have a custom framed mirror that is gorgeous.
Lastly, add matching towels, candles and accessories and you'll have your very own "Spa Retreat" without having to leave your house.
About The Author: Reba Collins writes about home decorating at her website, http://www.HomeDecoratingInsight.com. Reba's website is packed with info you can use to make your home the beautifully comfortable place you want. Learn about decorating, add comments, & read reviews of your fav TV shows & magazine. Come have fun!
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Article Title: Your Master Bedroom Can Be The Relaxing Oasis You Desire ~ Even Without Spending A Ton Of Money
Author: Reba Collins
Word Count: 957
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Everyone loves a beautiful relaxing bedroom. The bedroom is the one place where you can unwind and rejuvenate your body in preparation for your busy days.
Unfortunately, often the bedroom is one of the most neglected rooms of the house since it's the place where quests don't go. Quite often, at the end of a busy, hectic, and sometimes very tiring day, we strip our clothes and just drop them to the floor or drape them over the back of a chair. Then, in our rush to start our day the next morning, they don't get picked-up and our bed doesn't get made. Fast-forward to the next night, repeat. It soon becomes chaos and we begin to not care, so the clothes don't get picked up until we do laundry at the end of the week.
A close companion to the mess described above is the clutter that seems to collect in the bedroom. Again, since the bedroom is usually hidden from guests, it also becomes a place where we put things – you know, things we don't know what to do with. Soon the bedroom is filled with clutter and "clutter collects more clutter" and well…that's when we know it's time to do something.
First things first, if you really want a relaxing, calming bedroom, a place where you can "exhale" the days' stress, you're going to have to get rid of your clutter. Clutter makes the mind feel active and that's not very conducive to relaxation. First sort through everything, categorize what you want to keep, what's trash, and what you want to donate. Then put the things that will stay in the bedroom in pretty containers and pack the rest away in storage or put it in the room where it belongs. Ridding yourself of clutter and keeping your house clutter-free is like learning to live a new lifestyle, an organized lifestyle. It's hard work but well worth the effort.
One major thing that helps make a room relaxing is color on the walls. When walls are white, the light bounces around the room. Color will absorb some of the light, create a bit of drama, and make the room feel more relaxing. And since painting is an easy one-day job, and you can do it yourself, it's the first thing you should consider when wanting to make a change.
When trying to pick relaxing colors, try to stay away from the red family. Red heightens the blood pressure and quickens the mind's pace, not exactly what you want in the bedroom. Neutral colors like those in the beige family are good but with neutrals it will be important to add some color punch with accessories, window treatments and bedding. The other color family that is quite relaxing is blue. Colors that are toned with or mixed with blue also work well, like greens and bluish purples.
Next you need to consider your bedding. Bedding can be quite expensive but there are lots of choices that you can examine. Try finding something you like in one of the off-price retail stores like TJ Maxx or Marshalls. Or, if you already have a comforter but want something different, try covering the old comforter with a duvet cover. Duvet covers are made to cover plain white goose-down comforters but will work perfectly well with any comforter, even if it's not goose-down. Duvet covers usually cost much less than buying a comforter. On the other hand, you might consider making an investment in a goose-down comforter as they last forever and you can change the look of your room easily and inexpensively by just changing the duvet cover.
Pillows on the bed are the perfect way to make your bedroom look like a relaxing place to be. Pillows can be expensive when purchased ready-made, but try making them yourself. Cloth table napkins and remnant fabric are great to use when making pillows and usually really inexpensive. You can buy old throw pillows from the thrift store or use your own old pillows as the filler, just be sure they're clean before you use them in your new pillows. Voila, new throw pillows for a fraction of the cost.
When dressing your bed with pillows, use large pillows at the head and taper down to the smaller ones in the front. However, don't use too many, try not to take up more than one-third of the bed with pillows as it starts to look "overdone" and they are a pain to remove and replace each day.
Lastly, accessories and artwork will help the space feel relaxing. Candles are a beautiful way to accessorize and can add romance when the time is right. Pretty lamps can add ambiance with their soft light as well. And as far as artwork goes, creating your own will give the room the personal touch that only you can give. Consider using frames from old pieces of artwork that you can find at garage sales or thrift stores.
Creating that wonderfully relaxing bedroom does not need to cost a fortune. Just making a few inexpensive changes can make a huge difference. And remember, the entire room does not need to be redecorated all at one time. First make the changes in lifestyle that will help you keep the room clean and uncluttered. Once that step is in place, just take it one step at a time. Soon you'll be retiring each night in your relaxing sanctuary and waking in a room that will brighten each day.
About The Author: Reba Collins writes about home decorating at her website, http://www.HomeDecoratingInsight.com. Reba's website is packed with info you can use to make your home the beautifully comfortable place you want. Learn about decorating, add comments, & read reviews of your fav TV shows & magazine. Come have fun!
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Article Title: Overcome Any Problem With a Zen Mind
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
Word Count: 965
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Mindfulness is the practice of having a calm awareness of one's feelings, thoughts and experiences in the present moment, without judging them, or yourself, as good or bad. It means living in the moment and awakening to new experiences. It is part of the Zen mind, and It is one pathway to living a life of your choosing, and to overcome any problem.
The Zen Master
One day an earthquake shook an entire Zen temple. The ground beneath them began to shake, the building collapsed and the monks were terrified. As the world seemed to be falling apart a Zen Master calmly led everyone to the kitchen, the strongest part of the temple.
When the earthquake subsided the Master said, "Now you have had the opportunity to see how a Zen man behaves in a crisis. I did not panic. I was aware of what was happening and what to do. Taking you to the kitchen was a good decision, as we have all survived without any injuries. I had a Zen mind. However, despite my composure, I did feel a bit tense, which you may have noticed, from the fact that I drank a large glass of water, something I never ordinarily do."
One of the monks smiled, but didn't say anything.
"Why are you smiling?" the teacher asked.
"That wasn't water," the monk replied, "it was a large glass of soy sauce."
No matter who we are, when an earthquake hits, we all feel many feelings. They come upon us in different ways, affecting our bodies, minds and hearts. At times an emotion is experienced directly, at other times there is increased heartbeat, sweating, chills, fast breathing, a sense of dread or impending doom.
Then, there are the times when we are not even aware of what we are feeling. Instead, like the Zen Master, in shock, we may feel as though we are in control, but actually not able to tell the difference between a glass of water and a glass of soy sauce. Pursueing a Zen mind is becoming aware of our state of being, which, in turn, leads to clarity, peacefulness and a new form of awareness about our lives.
Being stung by a painful emotion can be like being stung by a serpent: it fills you with poison, immobilizes your senses, and blocks your understanding of how to proceed in life. Therefore, recognizing and releasing feelings is a daily practice to achieving the Zen mind.
The more you do it, the easier it becomes and the less threatened you will feel. Once emotions dissolve, clarity arises, along with spontaneous knowledge of what to do. This actually helps prevent many negative events that might otherwise be able to unfold. Or, if the difficult situation has already appeared, by dissolving your emotion, things calm down, recede and take much less of a toll. On the other hand, when you allow emotions to fester or grow, you may be blowing up something small, or even drawing the situation to yourself.
To begin the process of achieving the Zen mind let's become aware of the many ways which feelings appear, the effects they have upon us, and how feelings camouflage themselves and infiltrate all aspects of our lives.
The Many Faces of Feelings
Feelings are tricksters, they manifest in all kinds of ways; as obsession, confusion, loss of control, or dysfunction in any areas of our lives. Feelings can be triggered by anything - thoughts, beliefs, memories, tastes, smells, unconscious ideas. You suddenly see someone who reminds you of a cruel person in your childhood, and become flooded with fear. Or you are asked to do something you feel uneasy about, and anger arises. Sometimes you enter a meeting feeling good, pick up on the negative energy of others, and your happy mood disappears. Feelings are contagious, suddenly; you too are pessimistic, nervous and glum. When you are in the grip of strong feelings, people and situaions can easily manipulate and control you. We are longer in charge of our minds, or spirits. We are not in a Zen mind.
Realize - it is not the message you hear, but the way you perceive it, which causes suffering. A threating person or circumstance thrives on your perceptions. It needs you to hold true the stories, beliefs, and ideas the situation is feeding you. It needs you to see everything it says as true, as dangerous and life threatening. So, to achieve a Zen mind, we begin by understanding the nature of our perceptions.
To begin you have to look at yourself in a mirror, and not push away unwanted feelings. First, stop and be aware of your thoughts, your surroundings, and your emotions. You must be willing to stand back, make their acquaintance, let go of resisting them, and see them for what they are.
Notice what is going through your mind. Feel your feet connected to the ground. Listen to your breath. You may see an image of your past, or a fear of the future. You may realize a false belief you are holding. Before you can see the truth of a situation, and before you can re-claim your inner freedom and the full measure of who you are, you must stand back and grow to understand how your feelings arise. What triggers your feelings? How do they disguise themselves and take hold in so many areas of your life? When you answer these questions, you become empowered; you have achieved a Zen mind, and can live a chosen life and overcome the problems which arise in your life.
About The Author: Free guidance to solve life difficulties easily, and create a blueprint for building the life you want from a leading psychologist, best selling author, zen practioner and relationship expert. http://therapist-in-nyc.com
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Article Title: What Is Zen? A Simple Starting Point.
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
Word Count: 756
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What is zen? In the midst of our lives, hungry, thirsty and often weary, there comes a moment when we stop and wonder, "Is this all there is? Is there another way to live my life that will bring the joy and contentment that eludes me?"
Caught in the circles and patterns of our lives, each of us has an intuition of something beyond that which we now live with, something which has the power to open and transform our lives into one of joy and wholeness. In Zen this is called Buddha Nature, and is important to understand when asking what is zen.
"Buddha Nature pervades the whole universe, existing right here, now."
Buddha Nature:
Buddha Nature is that within us which knows the truth, is filled with kindness, clarity, warmth and hope. It can also be called divine nature, soul, higher self or any other name.
What asking what is zen, Please do not get distracted by names. We seek the essence of ourselves in many ways and in many places. Some places are called holy, others ordinary, some even distasteful to us. At times we run to holy places and may avoid our everyday lives, feeling we are wasting time there, We seek a heightened sense of meaning or value, rejecting what is right in front of our eyes.
Others run to those who are called "holy men or women", feeling as though these individuals are kinder, better or have some wisdom that eludes them. The seekers are deeply impressed by names and titles. None of this is the way of Zen. In Zen names and titles are not what matter. In fact, they mislead. A great warning of Zen is -
"Wash out your mouth before you speak of Zen."
This saying teaches not to mistake the finger pointing to the moon for the moon itself - not to get caught in words, images and phrases.
As we enter Zen practice, we go beyond words, dreams and images to a direct experience of what is real. As practice ripens we directly taste who we are, where we are planted and what is truly wanted of us. We then realize and live from our intrinsic Buddha Nature.
When the Buddha was asked who he was, he did not say he was divine or special in anyway. All he said was, "I am awake." This, too, is our journey. To wake up.
Finding Zen:
When people ask what is zen, and find out it, they often become excited, feeling as though they have stumbled upon something, which will quickly change their entire lives. Along with this excitement comes a rush of hopes, dreams, ideas and demands they make upon themselves and their practice.
All of these are dangers. These ideas can create confusion and unnecessary obstacles. They can also allow the student to wander down a path that may be unsound.
Barry had been asking what is zen? He believed he discovered the answer. He listened to his teachers talks and decided to leave everything behind to practice. He left his marriage and his career, took simple jobs and began to speak fervently of this to all he knew. He was grabbing onto his new-found discovery with both hands. Most people began to avoid him. His world narrowed. The more he meditated the more he wished for deep, sudden, complete enlightenment, believing it would take all his pain away. The more he wished for it, the further away it ran from him. As the month and years went by, he began to grow bitter. Rather than understand what this bitterness was, it derailed him. There are many traps to fall into. Traps are okay, if you know how to get out. But it is also important to be aware ahead of time.
Here is a fundamental pointer and warning to understand in the beginning of Zen practice. It will help you as you move along your way. These pointers are for beginning students. A student can be considered a "beginning student" for the first 50 years or more. This is not meant in jest. In fact, by the end of one's life, it is a huge accomplishment to become a true "beginning Zen student." Take a deep breath. We are not going anywhere fast. In fact, we are returning back to our original home.
About The Author: Find out about the practice of Zen and gifts it can bring to your life in the top selling book 'Living by Zen' by Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.d. Psychologist, long time practitioner of Zen and award winning author. http://www.therapist-in-nyc.com
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Article Title: The Different Ways Men Say I Love You
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
Word Count: 958
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"I can sleep with her, marry her, take care of her, but love – that's something else," said Tony, a married man in his late forties. "Guys don't like to talk about love. They don't know what to say. Of course guys do love. But they express it differently."
Despite this fact, most women do not feel happy unless they hear those golden words, I love you. Men need to hear them as well. And yet, as much as men want love, many fight it to the last minute. Love can make men feel vulnerable, childlike, and unable to deliver what's expected of them. Yet, naturally, men do love and different types of men express their love differently. A woman needs to be alert to who the man she is with is, and what love means to him. Here are five different ways that men express what they are feeling.
The first way is simply by saying "I Love You." Saying these words is a huge step for some men. For some it feels like a life commitment, for others it is fraught with danger. "I've got to really trust her and know she won't throw my love away in order to actually say the words to her." said Steve.
Rejection is enormously painful for most men, and saying "I Love You", can be an invitation to be hurt. Most men must feel very secure in the relationship before he'll dare say those words.
For others, saying "I love you," means, I'm offering a committment. I'm going to be here to do things for you. For these men, love is expressed through action. By saying these words they feel they are agreeing to be there, to give to her and support her. If they don't do it, they'll feel like a heel.
For some men, the words means, I'm not leaving, or I'll always be faithful. This can be very scary for some men. However, there is another type of man, who enjoys falling in love and letting the world know it. These men will say "I Love You" easily. Some say it to get a woman into bed, others are looking for a romantic fantasy, some just want to feel good about themselves.
Others say I love you just for the sheer pleasure of seeing how good it makes the woman feel. When a woman hears those precious words, she should step back a moment and put them in context. What do they mean to this particular man? And, are there other ways he may be actually expressing his love?
Some men express love through bringing gifts to the woman. The obvious gifts include those wrapped in packages, candy, flowers, special notes. But there are other gifts a woman may not be aware of. For example, time is a gift. When a guy spends more time with you and less with family and friends, this is his way of saying he cares.
Another important gift is by standing up for you during a difficult time, attending important functions with you, going with you to your family, planning trips, dates or outings and putting you first in their thoughts. These behaviors are often indicators that the man cares a great deal.
Unfortunately, some express their love through being jealous, or possessive. They do not want to share your attention. Although being controlled is not being loved, for many two overlap. Some women only feel cared for when the man is possessive.
Although this trait can get out of hand, when it is just part of the overall equation, it often is the way a man is saying he doesn't want to lose you. He wants to be the most important person in your life and to be on your mind all the time. If he is, he feels loved as well. Other men say "I love you" by being affectionate and making love to you. The physical contact breaks down barriers and provides a feeling of closeness that they do ont feel otherwise.
Some women require hearing words of love spoken when they are being intimate. But be careful here - sex can mean many different things to different individuals. But many men feel that if the sex is good, everything else will fall into place. Sex can be a sensitive barometer to what's going on in all aspects of the relationship.
Another way of saying "I Love You" is taking you home to meet the family, (and/or close, meaningful friends). He's proud of you and wants to connect you with the people who mean the most to him. This is often a sign that you are becoming a significant part of his life. By being aware of the people in his life that he introduces you to, you can get a good idea of whether he cares or whether this is this a limited relationship. Love, includes sharing all parts of ourselves with another.
It is helpful to keep a little journal of your relationship. So many acts and expressions of love go unnoticed and unfelt, because we simply get used to them, or are too busy to stop and take note – or to stop and say thank you. Take a few minutes to note what you received and also gave that day. You'll be surprised to realize all the ways your partner is giving to you, and it will be wonderful to find new ways to give back as well.
Cc/2007/author
About The Author: Learn incredible techniques to resolve difficulties easily, and create a blueprint for supportive, constructive relationships by a leading psychologist, best selling author, and relationship, family and divorce mediator at http://www.therapist-in-nyc.com
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Article Title: How To Get Rid Of Your Enemies Easily
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
Word Count: 701
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We all think the enemy is somewhere out there, that some person, force or nation is out to harm us in some way. Rather than live a life focused upon what they want, many people's lives center around protecting themselves from their enemies, devising strategies to beat them. However, enemies consume time, attention, resources, well-being and happiness in life itself. And the odd thing about enemies is that even when we defeat one, ten more seem to immediately appear. Even when they think they are winning over their enemies, they are losing a life of freedom, health and good will.
How To Get Rid Of Enemies Easily
The smartest, simplest and easiest way to get rid of your enemy is to turn him/her into a friend. It actually takes only a moment to do this. Stop for a moment and ask yourself, who decided this person or situation is my enemy? You did. Now you can turn that decision around and decide the person is a friend. You can decide to become a friend to that person, (or to that situation or condition), to stop fighting and respond with kindness and care. You can choose to see other aspects of that person, which are not in opposition to you. Once you step out of the dance they are doing, how can they hurt you?
The True Enemy In Your Life
The next step would be to take a deep breath and realize where the true enemy is hiding. What exactly is it that is keeping you in constant turmoil? This is the moment to realize that your true enemy is within. It is your very own hatred, anger, fear and upset. The true enemy is the propensity we have for projecting our anger and fear outside into the world, for pinning it on people and situations and then battling with them. It is extremely disempowering to project your darkness upon someone else. It gives the other person power over you. Until we stop this, more and more enemies will keep appearing. Ultimately, they are the creations of our own mind and heart.
Below are some steps to take, to live a life free of enemies. Try them and see how easy and enjoyable they really are.
Step 1: Make Friends With Your Enemy
Allow yourself a moment of willingness to consider the possibility that your enemy wants the same things in life and is, most likely, just as afraid of you as you are of them.
A)Say to yourself - "Like me, my enemy wants to be happy and safe. Like me,me, my enemy has suffered and wants to be free of pain. Like me, my enemy is lonely. Like me, my enemy will one day face loss and death."
Step 2: Who Is Your Enemy
A) Make a list of those people (or situations) you feel are your enemies.
(You may be astonished to note that even those you love are fearful to you).
B) Write down three valuable qualities this enemy has.
C) Write down three ways you have gained from knowing them.
D) Write down what is needed for you to see them as a friend.
Step 3: Reclaiming Your Power
A) Upon whom have you projected most negativity?
B) What about this person is so unacceptable?
C) Can you see these qualities in yourself as well?
D) For just a moment, can you accept these qualities in yourself? (This doesn't mean act upon them, just accept them for what they are now).
Step 4: Turn It Around
A) Offer your enemy the gift of respect.
B) Offer your enemy the gift of really listening and knowing them.
C) Stop judging your enemy. Let them be who they are.
D) Give your enemy what they want and need. Just one time.
E) Do it again now.
F) Notice how wonderful it feels.
G) Take time to notice how it feels to live in a world of friends?
About The Author: Learn incredible techniques to resolve difficulties easily and create a blueprint for a supportive, constructive relationship by a top psychologist, relationship, family and divorce mediator at http://www.therapist-in-nyc.com
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Article Title: How To Handle Infidelity In A Marriage
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
Word Count: 827
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Infidelity and the threat of it, is the largest single issue that threatens marriages. A basis of all healthy marriage is the ability to trust. It is not only the sexual betrayal but the lies that accompany infidelity that are so devastating. This break of trust need not be fatal; if both parties truly wish to do so it can be repaired. It takes time, patience, wisdom and true dedication for this process to work.
First, it is absolutely necessary to acknowledge what has happened. No step forward can be taken without honesty. The individual who has strayed must be clear about what has gone on. This does not mean they are to be punished or blamed, but must be accountable, taking responsibility for their actions.
Next it is crucial to find out the deeper reasons in the relationship that caused this to take place. What has been lacking? Have there been hidden resentments? What does the marriage need, right now? If both individuals are willing to confront the issues, to open communication, be honest, respectful and patient, then the marriage can emerge even stronger than before.
Emotional Infidelity
The question of infidelity has become much broader as individuals have obtained easier access to others through the internet. Many often satisfy their wish for other relationships or for fantasy and adventure through activities online. When we do not see or have to interact with another in person, there is comfortable distance, which leads one to believe that nothing is going on. Individuals often feel they can easily exchange intimacies. Demands made upon one another and can be handled easily through a few words. This stimulates a hotbed of fantasy and it becomes easy to feel one has someone in their life who cares and is there for them. Before they know it, excitement, attachment or dependency arises, and interferes with feelings towards the spouse.
This is a dangerous arena to go into. To protect the well-being of your marriage, stay away from it. Realize that online relationships, or other relationships where you feelings and fantasies become stirred up are a temptation to enter into fantasy. Inevitably, they make your primary relationship at home seem less important to you. There is a thin line here and it is crossed easily. Define and set boundaries for your emotions and needs. If there is a reason why they are not being fulfilled at home, talk it out as soon as possible, create quality time together, explore new ways of enjoying each other and breaking a possibly deadening routine.
Addictions crop up in marriages and are often hidden from a spouse. The addiction to porn is one of them, and closely allied to infidelity. When spouses find out they are often devastated by it. Many wives feel utterly betrayed, threatened and as though they have not been good enough and are not attractive to their husbands. Often they discover the addiction because their husband's sexual desire for them has decreased.
Addictions can be much harder to break than one first realizes. Usually it requires professional help.
The addict must not make light of the situation, but fully realize that he/she is caught in the grip of an illness and needs professional help. These addictions can provide all kinds of highs and excitement that a real flesh and blood relationship may not able to offer. For some men, after being addicted to online porn it is boring or difficult to have that much sexual interest in their wives any longer. Awareness must be brought to this situation. Even though the man minimizes it, the woman must hold onto her own reality and need for respect. She must not deny the way you she is feeling, but see to it that professional help is sought.
It is always better to do this sooner than later. The longer an addiction grows the harder it can be to let go of. It is important to recognize these threats to your marriage for what they are, not blame yourself for them or brush them under the table, but to face the issues directly in a constructive and hopeful way. Let your partner know that together you can find a solution that works for both of you. Blaming the self or blaming the other is never helpful and leads nowhere.
Acceptance, communication and understanding, however, always go a long way. Needless to say, both must be willing to work on this together. If the partner is not willing to deal with it, then the woman should seek help for herself in making constructive choices for her own life.
All marriages go through challenges. Whether these challenges destroy your relationship or make it stronger, is up to both of you. It takes two to make this commitment, however. One person cannot do it alone.
About The Author: Learn incredible techniques to resolve difficulties easily, and create a blueprint for supportive, constructive relationships by a leading psychologist, best selling author, and relationship, family and divorce mediator at http://www.Therapist-in-nyc.com
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Article Title: Repairing Hurtful Relationships
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
Word Count: 631
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So much hurt and pain arises from our feeling of having been betrayed. Not only does this undercut the foundation of our relationships, but it can cause us to lose trust in ourselves. We blame ourselves for having been deceived, for not being smart enough to realize what has been going on. Trust has been violated. We do not now know what to put our faith in. The following are forms of betrayal in relationships. Check to see if you are involved in them. If so, you will have a key to correcting pain, loss and disappointment in your relationships.
Forms of Betrayal
Betrayal comes in many disguises. Cheating in relationships is one of the most common. However, other forms are equally destructive. Little, white lies are common; many fib, exaggerate, and spin tales naturally, as if it were expected. Yet, these little lies also undermine the fabric of our relationship both with another and with ourselves.
There are many ways in which we lie to ourselves and others. It is so important to become clear about this because lying causes us to forget who we truly are, what we are here for, and how to find joy and meaning in our lives. As we lie, we build a wall of fantasy that we become trapped in. We lose sense of our direction and of what is really happening, moment by moment. As we lose touch with basic truthfulness, more lies (or delusions) develop. These begin to seem real. The danger escalates, both to us and others.
Lying includes not simply saying untruths, it includes exaggeration, communicating mixed messages, implying things you do not mean. Lying includes non-verbal communication - acting one way when you feel another. It includes the unwillingness to communicate - shutting yourself off. You are lying to another by withholding the truth of who you are.
When we minimize, dismiss, deny and pretend something isn't happening we are also engaged in lying. Often to ourselves. It takes great strength and courage to look at what is before us, to see it as it is, and go on from there. As we grow able to do this, lies and the need for lying fades away.
Games, pretenses and casual promises not kept, are other forms of betrayal and lying. Whether or not we realize it, we are creating confusion and lack of balance. When these forms of deception become habitual, they become a silent poison, taking joy and fulfillment away in ourselves and others away. A hypocritical person, one who plays games, says on thing and does another. He pretends to be someone he is not. He usually wants honor, acclaim, wealth, or stature that is not his due. This is another way form of deception. Some hypocrites are so lost, they have truly forgotten who they are. When hypocrisy goes to the extreme, we see con men or sociopaths. Beware hypocrites. Beware being hypocritical as well.
Exercise: Give Up A Lie A Day - Go Cold Turkey
If you get in touch with the ways you live with lies in your life and go cold turkey for one day, you will be amazed, at how good it will feel.
A) Write down all the lies you tell yourself and others.
B) Next to each lie, write down what purpose it serves.
C) Next to each lie, also write, what the effects it has upon you - and the one you lie to.
D) Go Cold Turkey. Just for today. Cut it all out. Just stop it.
Remember it's just for today. See how it feels to stop it. Take a deep breath and rejoice.
About The Author: Dr. Shoshanna provides fee expert advice. A leading psychologist and best selling author, her work helps people heal from their problems, and find new happiness and joy in their lives. http://www.therapist-in-nyc.com
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Article Title: Find Out Why Men Fear Commitment (and How To Help)
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
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Freedom means different things for different men. For some, the main joy of relationships is challenge. They happily pursue a woman as long as they don't have her, but once they do, they start feeling trapped. These men feel as if excitement and new possibilities are now cut off.
Once commitment is in the picture these men feel as though they are trapped and imprisoned. In the end he feels he will lose his sense of masculinity. For them it's all a power game. The one who's strong is the one who needs less.
These particular type of man needs to be in control to feel their power. It's no wonder that men like these cannot stay with one woman long. Sooner or later feelings of dependency start to grow. At this point, these men take to the hills. No matter how strong they think they are, their loneliness and frustration only intensify each time they run.
Other men start to feel used when time comes for commitment. Many women feel as though they need a man to make a commitment in order to feel secure. But when a man senses this, it can make him feel like an object, as if he's being used for the woman's security. No man wants to feel as if he's being used. As soon as he does, he's going to leave. Feeling loved is different from feeling used.
When a woman can give a man freedom, when she has a full, independent life of her own, it can take his fear of being used away.
Deep within all men want to feel loved in relationships. They want to stay and experience being valued and valuing another as well. Once their fears and patterns of running away are understood, they can be handled, and everyone can win. To begin, we must see where these patterns come from, and what they are protecting the man from.
Sometimes the pattern develops at an early age. At one point in a young man's development the father becomes his opponent, his rival for the mother's love. When the boy has a healthy maturation, he is able to relinquish his mother and overcome his rivalry with his father. At this point, his father becomes his friend, he identifies with him and is later able to go forward and attain a love of his own.
Some men do not overcome the rivalry with the father. They never grow to feel they can have a woman of their own. And, they act out this pattern over and over in all kinds of relationships. They may give themselves an unconscious message that love is dangerous, perhaps forbidden. Or, they tell themselves the love object, (mother), ultimately belongs to another, (to father). No matter how much I want her, they think, I can never have the woman of my dreams for myself. Or, if I do have her, I am taking her away from someone else.
These men often find that they are unable to be successful competing with other men; they are convinced other men will easily win the woman they desire. For them, some other man has more to offer, just as they believed their father did. This is a clear replay of childhood, when they felt they could never measure up to dad.Unless this dynamic is worked through a man's ongoing relationship with women will, sooner or later, be troubled.
Sometimes it is the relationship with the mother, not father, that causes a man to fear and run from love. In other cases, some mothers hold onto their sons emotionally and refuse to let go. Other mothers withhold the love their sons need. Some are rejecting or overpowering with her son. When this happens the woman becomes the opponent for the man.
Men who suffer from this situation run from women continually, seeing love as a trap, a place where they will never get their needs met. Many men are much more fragile than they seem. Harsh words from a woman they are dating can cut very deep.
A woman in relationship with a man like this would do well to encourage him to express his feelings. She should listen quietly and be careful about criticizing him. When she does express her needs and feeling, it is important to do it carefully, in a non-critical manner, making sure he is also aware of how much she values him.
Ultimately, for a man to be healthy romantically, he must work out unfinished business. Once he does he will develop a basic confidence in himself and be able to move forward and find a loving, suitable woman of his own. Commitment is an organic process that takes time. It usually happens in small steps and is the natural progression of the heart.
>>Advice on How To Deal With Men Who Are Afraid Of Commitment.
1. Listen carefully to what he tells you. Don't criticize. Understand.
2. Don't think your love will change him or make him want you more. He wants you as much as he can right now.
3. The less pressure, guilt and obligation in this relationship, the better. The busier you are, the more self fulfilled, the better the chances for this relationship to continue.
>> To open a healthy line of communication in your relationship, you can ask your significant male other these questions.
1. Look at your expectations in relationships. Try to understand why you feel trapped in relationships and always need a way out. What or who is it you are really running from?
2. Try to form a relationship where you can give yourself the emotional freedom to be who you are. Many men feel they constantly have to perform for the woman and therefore do not want to stay for too long. Allow yourself to be true to yourself in the relationship. Say no when you want to. Then you can say yes.
3. It's okay to ask a woman to be more accepting. Ask them in advance about what they need to feel good in a relationship. If they are too possessive, and this makes you uncomfortable, go on to someone else.
About The Author: Dr. Shoshanna is a psychologist, best selling author, and appears regularly on national television. She is a therapist in NYC where she provides proven methods which address troublesome symptoms, and helps creat improvements in life which are clearly recognizable. http://www.therapist-in-ny.com
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Article Title: Discover the Real You
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
Word Count: 610
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So often we live our lives pretending to be someone we aren't. We play games, adopt roles, try to impress others and forget to really express the truth of who we are.
As we live this, not only do we deceive others, inadvertently we deceive ourselves. We begin to forget the truth of our own lives and who we really are. Then we do not understand why there is an gnawing sense of anxiety, disappointment, or the lack of fulfillment we live with. Many have no idea what is wrong, and search for the answer in work, relationships, money or drink.
But living this way never brings true fulfillment. Although we may know we are off track, it can be hard to discover what. We have forgotten who we truly we, what we want and need in order to feel happy and real.
In order to know who you are, you must also know who you are not, what is false and unworkable in your life, where you are living someone else's dream. You must know what feels disturbing, fundamentally out of synch with your truth. It's important to acknowledge that which you cannot do, that which is not for you. So many spend years of their lives twisting themselves to conform to expectations of others about who they are, or should become. Families are famous for projecting these images and demands on its members, as are people "in love". However, these images which are projected onto us can be lethal. They cause pain, distortion and lack of self acceptance, lack of knowing and living our truth.
Take a moment, see what is natural, easy, enjoyable for you, what actually brings enthusiasm about being alive. Then, take another moment to see what is not natural, easy, or enjoyable, what causes conflict, difficulty, confusion and distress. What is it that pulls you down, hurts your feeling, upsets your digestion? Usually you do not give heed to this. Now is the time to turn it around. The first step is to take a good look. The next step is to say No, to clean it out of your life and heart.
A great teacher, Soen Nakagawa Roshi said that usually when we want to find beauty in a room we bring in many fancy things, furniture, paintings, rugs, decorations. However, to find what we are looking for, it is better to take everything out of the room. When it is empty, its original beauty appears. When we take everything out of the room, we are saying No to whatever it is in there that we don't want. We are emptying the room of all decoration to get to its original form.
The more you let go of that which is "not" who you are, which is unworkable and causes distress, the more room you create empty space and the ability to see who you truly are, what you love and what is meaningful for you.
You Are Granted Dominion In Your Own Life and World
Your life is a precious gift to you and to the world. No person, no thought, no emotion is granted dominion over you. You have ultimate power to choose the direction in which you want to go.
Discover how to release fear and build fearless relationships in Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind. www.becomefearless.org. Psychologist, author and speaker presents life changing exercises and guidelines to help you become confident, clear and able to handle whatever comes along. Contact her at topspeaker@ayhoo.com.
About The Author: Become Confident, Clear and Able to Handle Whatever Comes Along. Learn how to release fear and build fearless relationships in Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind. http://www.becomefearless.org. Life changing exercises and guidelines by psychologist, speaker, author. topspeaker@yahoo.com
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Article Title: Turning Around
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
Word Count: 709
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Most of us spend our lives seeking and struggling to find that which will bring meaning and wholeness to our lives. Searching on the highways and byways, most of that which we find, soon loses value. Perhaps it is because we search in the wrong way and for the wrong reason.
Then the time comes to Turn Around, take a new look, return to that which will never fail to provide joy, understanding and fulfillment. But, before we can return, we must know where it is we are returning to, and where we are right now. In Judaism , the Jewish New Year, and particularly the month of Elul, the month leading up to the New Year, is the time for turning around. The process is called Teschuvah. Wherever we are in our lives, we must stop our usual behavior, take stock, reconsider. We must turn to that which is greater and wiser. It is our job to find it.
The place to return to is called HaMakom, another name for Gd. It is the place in which we can rest, be renewed, find our deepest Center and become whole.
This is a very crucial time. During this month, it is said that God and true wisdom are closer to us than usual, more energy is available to make changes, each deed of worth we do has extra power to affect lasting changes. This time of return is also a time of testing. We are shown ourselves more clearly, must face the truth, so we know what it is that must be transformed during this precious time.
Teschuvah also means repentance, purifying ourselves. The process of repentance is a Jewish koan, a question we struggle with that does not have a set answer, but that we must face on our own. How do we make repentance real in our lives? It's one thing to beat our chest and beg for forgiveness, it's another to truly wash our hearts and minds and come to life with clean hands.
To begin to explore the true nature of repentance it is useful to see that the word for "sin" in Judaism means error, or to miss the mark. Whatever errors we have made can be corrected. In fact, they are natural, inevitable in human life. When we turn around, look at ourselves simply, in quietness, , we stop grabbing at the outside world and blaming others for our pain. Instead we see what it is within that needs correction and instruction.
One of the best ways to heal errors is to ask for forgiveness. All during the month of Elul an important instruction is to call anyone we know who we might have offended in the past year and ask to be forgiven. Many do not know what exactly they must be forgiven for or how their behavior has affected another. It is necessary to look and see. It is a great gift to give to another to ask for forgiveness, and of course, a great gift to yourself.
A great aid is to sit simply, quietly with oneself, turn the attention and focus around and instead of asking for something for ourselves, look and see what we have truly given to others, how have we used our lives to uplift and enhance all that we meet. Only then are we able to recognize the pain our actions, or lack of actions, may have caused – and how this pain can be healed.
It has been said that all loneliness and sorrow ultimately come from separation from God, each other and ourselves. The process of teschuvah, repentance and return is a process of letting go of separation of finding our wholeness and unity once again. As we do this, we discover our oneness has never been lost, only covered over with misunderstanding and confusion, covered by the walls we have created and that we can now take down.
The Torah asks, where is God? The answer comes; God is wherever you let him or her in. As we turn around, we find ways to let God and one another in, in a brand new way.
About The Author: Discover a new way to find meaning and fulfillment in Jewish Dharma (A Guide to The Practice of Judaism and Zen), by Brenda Shoshanna, Da Capo Press,. Psychologist, author, and long term Zen and Jewish practitioner explores a new way of healing loneliness and pain. http://www.jewishdharma.com
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Article Title: How to Let Go of Fear and Move Forward
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
Word Count: 799
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There are many ways that fear stops us from moving forward easily. We often become unable to take action due to fear of making mistakes. However, there's nothing wrong with mistakes. Mistakes are your friend. You cannot get up if you do not fall down. No child would ever walk if he feared falling down. It is natural to take action, learn from what happens, and move forward. In fact, it's good to make a so-called mistake. It means you've taken a risk. You've stood up to fear and became stronger than it. A great teacher, Dogen, said, Life is one continuous mistake."
Anytime you stand up to fear, take a risk, take action, you have won. If you fall down a hundred times, that means you have won a hundred times. You have faced fear one hundred times, got up and tried again. It doesn't matter how your action turns out. You have lessened fear's hold on you and reclaimed your original freedom.
Take a look, at the times you made a mistake, fell down. Describe what happened. What did you learn from it? What did you fail to learn? Write down what you "thought" should have happened.
Often you call something a mistake because the outcome is something you did not expect, or enjoy. But who's deciding it was a mistake? If the outcome were different, would it have been okay?
You decide a mistake is a mistake. But it's just something that happened and turned out a certain way. Do you call it a mistake because you weren't able to control all aspects of life? Who can? Why should you?
It is fascinating to see how much we feel we must be perfect all the time. These feelings embedded in fantasy, and are the voice of fear.
What's Wrong with Being Wrong?
What's wrong with being wrong? Write down all the times you were wrong? Who cared? What happened? Was it the end of the world? Did you learn something from being wrong?
List five ways you can be wrong now. Do one each day. See what happens? Is it so terrible?
By being so afraid of being wrong and insisting on always being right, you drive yourself crazy. You drive others crazy as well. If you feel someone else is wrong, you dismiss or reject them. Or, if you imagine that someone else is right and you're wrong, you feel inadequate. Living in this manner, you are firmly caught in a mirage. Mirages aren't only in the desert, our lives are filled with them. The mirage of being a perfect person, having to always be right, not able to be wrong, is simply a mirage. It drives you crazy searching for perfection and never brings happiness into your life.
Don't Worry About The Consequences of Your Actions
Nothing will break this defeating pattern but learning to take whole hearted action, doing what you do as fully as you can, with your whole heart and not worrying about the outcome. When you take wholehearted action, step by step your life changes, you come out of hiding and remember who you are. The outcome of your actions are not your business. Just take each step whole-heartedly, and see what happens.
Just focus on the action itself. Don't give a gift to someone, secretly demanding a thank you, a gift or favor in return. . That is living from an ulterior motive. Your attention is on what you're getting back in return. And when you don't get it, anger and resentment develop. Your gift was not a true gift. It was a form of manipulation.
Don't go on a date sitting there wondering if you are making a good impression, saying the right things, or if he'll call again. Just put your attention on him, make friends. Enjoy the time for what it is, find out about this person without expecting anything. If you're focusing upon results, anxiety, fear, and dread appear. If you just throw yourselves completely into the action, enjoy it, do it fully, you receive satisfaction in the doing, and fear vanishes and you can enjoy whatever comes along.
Discover life changing steps to releasing fear, building fearless relationships and reclaiming your original wisdom and strength in Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind, by Dr Brenda Shoshanna, www.becomefearless.org. Psychologist, author and workshop leader shows you how to let go of worry, anxiety and disappointing relationships and live life to the brim. Contact her at: topspeaker@yahoo.com
About The Author: Discover how to releae fear, building fearless relationships and reclaiming your original wisdom and strength in Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind, by Dr Brenda Shoshanna, http://www.becomefearless.org. Psychologist, author and workshop leader shows you how to let go of worry,
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Article Title: You Can't Say Yes If You Can't Say No
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
Word Count: 808
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Fear is a great factor in relationships. It confuses our mind, undermines our confidence and prevents us from making choices that would be healthy for all concerned. A great source of fear is rejection by others. Not aware that we have rejected ourselves, we become overly hungry for the approval of others. In this state of mind we use our relationships as a way to gain the love and sense of self worth we may feel is lacking. What a danger, many then twist themselves in all kinds of ways to receive the acceptance and validation they so deeply desire.
Sooner or later, this backfires. It takes too much of a toll. To experience real love and connection, to become free of fear, you must be willing to first know and accept yourself just as you are. You must be willing to let go of demands that you please others and learn how to be happy with and please yourself, just as you are. Here is an exercise which will help in doing this. It will help you dip into your innate storehouse of courage and strength.
Notice how much time you spend each day escaping that which would truly make you happy? Take note of how much time you spend not considering what is important to you? Do you see how this drains the meaning from your life, the joy out of your day?
Wake Up. This is your life you are losing. You lose yourself daily in hundreds of tiny ways.
You make choices that harm you, decide to stay in deadening situations, don't speak up about that which matters. You feel you have all the time in the world to wait for things to change. You don't. Fear tells you it is dangerous to be truthful. The real danger, however, is believing this fear, not discovering and living from your truth.
How many of us even know what it is that our heart treasures? How many have numbed ourselves so much we've blocked it out? In order to become able to be really there for another, you must first learn how to be really there for yourself.
Self Recovery: Restoring the Self
There are many recovery groups these days; groups for alcohol, drug abuse, relationship abuse, sexual addiction, eating disorders, addictions of all kinds. How about recovery of the Self? Once the Self is recovered, equilibrium is established and everything else falls into place.
In order to know who you are, you must also know who you are not, what is false and unworkable in your life, where you are living someone else's dream. It's important to acknowledge that which you cannot do, that which is not for you. So many spend years conforming to others that they lose touch with what is real for them. Families are famous for projecting their demands on its members. People "in love" do the same. However, these images cause pain, distortion and lack of knowing who you truly are.
You Can't Say Yes if You Can't Say No
This is a statement of truth and a great medicine, which needs to be deeply absorbed. Much fear arises because you are unable to say No. I am not speaking of the impulsive, automatic no you offer out of resistance, anger or stubbornness. I'm speaking of a different kind of No. It comes from understanding and accepting who you are and who we are not. It comes from knowing what is true for you and what is false. This No is a sign of respect for yourself, recognition that it is perfectly fine to be who you are; you do not have to disguise, distort or reject your truth. You do not have to be all things to all people.
Many don't know what they should say No to. They feel guilty and ashamed of not going along with everything. They feel that if they don't meet everyone's needs, they have failed or there is something wrong with them. Some imagine that they should be able to belong everywhere. This scatters your forces and confuses your mind.
If others reject you because you've said No, let them. Realize that you can't say yes if you can't say no. Your yes is then not a real yes. It is an automatic, knee jerk response. It arises out of obligation, and the wish to be accepted. This is not a true Yes, offered from the fullness of your being. When you can say Yes, or No in an unconditional, whole-hearted manner, your relationships become established on another basis and fear has nowhere to stick.
About The Author: Find out how to release fear and build fearless relationships in Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind. Psychologist, author, speaker presents life changing exercises and guidelines to help you become confident, clear and resilient. http://www.becomefearless.org
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Article Title: The Secrets To Healing From Within
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
Word Count: 883
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Modern medicine is based upon the notion of battle. We battle germs and fight for life. As soon as we feel pain or discomfort, we immediately try to stop it from happening, look for some way to soothe what we are going through. We feel we must change our illness or problems, overpower them with our expertise. But this leads to a never ending battle, after one problem is conquered, another arises.
Healing from within brings inner peace with it. It arises in a different way. We are taught to stop, pay attention and respect all that comes to us. We do not view pain as bad, as something that must be removed at any cost. Pain arises from lack of balance and brings many messages along with it. When we see our pain as a messenger and learn how to listen to it, healing begins in all kinds of ways.
The first step in healing from within is to see pain as an ally, to learn how to "dialogue" with it. At first this requires a complete turn around. Instead of tensing up and gearing for battle, we learn how to pause and understand there is a lesson that we have to learn. When we do this we find the pain or problem often comes holding a gift in its hands.
Illness often comes when we feel defeated. We may not wish to struggle anymore. Some people become ill when they are overly exhausted. The illness is the only way they can give themselves permission to stop, rest, and make much needed changes in their lives. Each illness has it's own story.
When someone is in physical pain and suddenly understands what is troubling them, the physical pain often subsides. For full healing to take place it may be important to make changes in one's total life. During illness the body is rebelling. It is demanding that we pay attention to all that has been unattended. We may have been pushing ourselves for too long. Now our body is fed up. Stop and listen to me, it pleads. When we learn how to listen and how to reply, an entirely new life begins. Then pain and illness become an opportunity for vital change.
Learning To Listen
We usually listen only to part of ourselves. The rest is rejected. But no matter what we are rejecting, soon or later we must come up against it and face it straight on. Rejecting something over and over never makes it go away. It comes back to you then over and over just to be accepted.. Everything needs to be loved and accepted, including our illness and pain. The best way is to make friends with the pain. If we can relax into it and explore it, many possibilities arise. When we let go, and allow ourselves to listen to what the pain is saying to us. Incredible changes can happen then.
To do this, simply close your eyes, stop fighting, and ask the pain what it is saying to you, what does it need from you right now? Then become very quiet and listen deeply. An answer may not come right away. Patience is needed. Answers come in different ways. Some hear answers within. Others see images, some have dreams. Some sense a new way to deal with the illness. A true exploration begins.
.
Exercise: Making Friends with the Pain
Look at your illness. Picture it and give it some kind of shape. What does it look like to you? Describe or draw it. What is this image saying to you about yourself and the life you are leading?
Next, ask the image any questions you may have and let it answer you. (Ask what it wants from you and what it would need to go away). See if you can give it what it needs.
This attitude is called making friends with the pain. When we do this ee become better able to understanding what the true causes are. For example, if we feel that life is meaningless, our bodies can start to express this by shriveling up and dying. If we have held onto difficult attitudes, our bodies will bear the burden of them. Persistent negative attitudes become wounds upon our entire selves.
Our attitudes are messages we give our body. Once we begin the crucial work of taking responsibility for and changing our attitudes, our entire body can begin to experience on-going ease instead of dis-ease. We must look at the basic attitudes we live with and ask ourselves if they are conducive to our health, or do they contain the very seeds of pain?
In order to heal from within, it is essential to change negative attitudes and patterns, to those that are positive and produce well-being. Health comes with learning to say "yes" to all of our experience. Wellness emerges out of the balance and harmony of all parts of ourselves. When we are well, we feel accepting and in harmony with ourselves and the entire world. This state of being brings refreshment and healing day by day.
Cc/Dr. Brenda Shoshanna/2007
About The Author: Receive psychological, spiritual and practical guidance in award winning program, Journey Through Illness and Beyond. http://www.journeythroughillness.com Top psychologist provides information, guidelines and exercises which turn a time of illness into one of growth and opportunity. Dr. Shoshanna has presented over 500 workshops on all aspects of relationships, personal development, loss and change. Free ezine and articles at http://www.brendashoshanna.com. topspeaker@yahoo.com
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Article Title: How to Stop the Churning Self: The Practice of Mindfulness
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
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If we look honestly at most of our lives, it is easy to see how truly difficult it is to stop ingrained behaviors and responses. It is so natural to be at the mercy of automatic, repetitive, responses. Most of our lives are lived racing from one activity to another, one relationship to the next. We seldom see the person or situation we are facing. Instead we are run by old patterns, repetitive thoughts, persistent desires, fierce appetites and exhausting obsessions. One-pointed mindfulness, which brings us into the present moment, is a powerful medicine for this disorder. As we stop, we become aware that past activities are over, that we are in a completely new moment in time.
It is rare to find a way to stop, settle down and see what it is we truly have now and what we are really needing. The practice of stopping is another name for the practice of mindfulness, a wonderful way to eliminate stress and become fully present and awake to where we are and what is happening right now.
Paying attention wakes you up from the fog, fantasies, slumber you usually live in. In mindfulness practice, you place your precious attention fully on the present moment, whatever it may be right now. You pull your attention away from hopes and longing, plans, memories and persistent dreams. In order to do this it is necessary to stop trying to change, fight with, control, judge or use the world you live in. Instead, you greet whatever comes, with attention, acknowledging it as it is right now. You simply become present to the world before you, to the incredible gift and wonder before your eyes.
But what is this mindfulness exactly, what does it take to really pay attention to a person, a tree, a step we take? What gets in the way? Our attention is our life force. That which we attend to increases, our attention feeds it energy. That which we withdraw our attention from inevitably fades. Attention is equated with love. When someone pays real attention, we feel as though we are loved. When attention is withdrawn, we may feel insignificant or rejected. It's easy to develop an addiction to receiving attention from others in order to sustain our sense of self. In mindfulness practice we turn this around. Rather than seeking attention, we give it, not only to the world around, but to ourselves. The practice of mindfulness, or of attending, can therefore also be called the practice of giving and receiving love.
The Practice of Mindfulness
In mindfulness practice when you cook, you pay total attention to each vegetable you chop for the soup. When you sweep, your full attention goes to the broom, the floor and the sweeping. You place your attention to where you are standing, what you are doing, feeling, thinking, and also completely upon whoever may appear in front of your eyes. When you love, you love completely.
You pay attention in a unique manner, you do not ask for things to behave in a way that suits you, or to fulfill some fantasy you may have. There are no hidden expectations or demands. You just fully attend to, and thus value, whatever appears. When you are able to do this, you will not perceive a problem with anything. And, as that happens, everything will fall into perfect place. This kind of attention is like sunshine that warms whatever it may touch.
About The Author: Find out more about peace of mind in award winning book by top psychologist Dr Brenda Shoshanna, Jewish Dharma (A Guide to the Practice of Judaism and Zen), http://www.jewishdharma.com. Contact her at: topspeaker@yahoo.com, (212) 288-0028.
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Article Title: Overcoming the Fear of Committment
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
Word Count: 769
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Most women ultimately want their relationships to lead to marriage. They feel they need a man to make a commitment in order to feel secure. This need can scare men away, making them feel like an object, as if they're being used for a woman's security. No man wants to feel as if he's being used. As soon as he does, he's going to leave. Feeling loved is different from feeling used. When a woman can really give a man freedom, it takes his fear of being used away.
Being safe and feeling free in a relationship means different things for different men. For some men, the main joy of relationships is the challenge of finding one. They pursue a woman as long as they don't have her, but once they do, they start feeling trapped. They feel as if spontaneity and new possibilities are cut off. The adventurer that longs to live in all men, feels he has no place to go, and the sense of being imprisoned in a relationship begins to grow.
Other men refuse to be tamed. They feel that women want to manage a guy and if they give in, they'll be putty in her hands. This fear of being putty in a woman's hands, having her manage him, and having his unpredictability taken away, is equivalent to death for many men, young and old, single and married because it's as if they're succumbing to a mother figure, becoming a good boy and ultimately losing their power and masculinity.
Freedom is a man's birthright. Once they feel a woman takes away their freedom they're likely to back away. For other men, relationships are all a power game. The one who's strong is the one who needs the other one less. The power is in not needing. These men can back away as soon as they begin to feel they need the woman more than she needs them.
For these men, their sense of power and masculinity comes from not being subject to a woman, from being the one in control. It's no wonder that men like these cannot stay with one woman long. Sooner or later their feelings of dependency start to grow. In order to squelch their own feelings, these men take to the hills. No matter how strong they think they are, the heartbreaking part is that their loneliness and frustration only intensify each time they run.
It's important for women in relationship with these kinds of men to give them space and freedom. It's also important to let them know, at the same time, how much they mean to you as well.
Randy, an executive in his thirties who had never been married, said all his relationships ended quickly, after only a couple of months. "What starts out great, ends up dismally. As soon as I'm with them about a month and they think they have me, the complaints begin. They don't like this or that about me. Sometimes it's the way I dress. Sometimes I don't listen enough. I could have listened all night, but the one time I didn't, they pick on that. Whatever it is, they let me know. Before long, I feel like I'm back in school again getting a D on my report card. So I smile and am polite to their face, but before they know it, I'm out the door."
A woman in relationship with a man like this would do well to encourage him to answer her back, to express his feelings. She should listen quietly and be careful about criticizing him. Many men are much more fragile than they seem. Harsh words from a woman they are dating can cut very deep. When she does express her needs and feeling, it is important to do it carefully, in a non-critical manner, making sure he is also aware of how much she values him.
Ultimately, it's important to know the man you're with, what makes him feel safe and valued. You can find out by asking him, and also by looking at his relationship history. When did other relationships end, and why? What was the triggering factor? Patterns often repeat. If you understand his pattern in the beginning, you have a much better chance of not getting caught. Basically, most men want to be in relationships, they want to commit. If you can understand and relate well to his particular fears, you will be giving the relationship a real chance.
About The Author: Hear men tell you in their own words what makes a relationship work in eye-opening book on modern relationships - Why Men Leave, by top psychologist Dr. Brenda Shoshanna http://www.whymenleave.com Contact at topspeaker@yahoo.com - http://www.brendashoshanna.com/
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Article Title: Why Men Need Adventure And How To Handle It
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
Word Count: 884
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There are certain men who crave adventure in their relationships and also in their lives. This is the craving to be challenged, grow and become all they are capable of. For some the call comes in connection to work, sports or feats of daring; others hear it in relationship to women, who they see as their primary challenge. This need for adventure in relationship can manifest in various ways.
Some men are drawn to disturbed and disturbing women. They find this exciting and stimulating, despite the difficulties that come along. Also, they can then use this as an excuse for not staying too long. This kind of relationship protects them from intimacy. It also protects them from having to focus upon themselves.
Others crave relationships where the sexual chemistry is intense. "From the day I moved in it we were making love morning, noon and night," John said. "I felt powerful and on the edge. But, when that started to wane, there was nothing else left. She was just an ordinary person and I was just an ordinary guy as well. I kept trying to change the situation, to get her to lose some weight and become exciting like she used to be. That backfired. Before long I was gone."
For many men (and also women), there is a deep, inbred belief that the other person is the source of their excitement and must keep it going, or change for them. They view the person as an object to keep the excitement high.
This represents a profound misunderstanding about the nature of adventure. True adventure comes from facing challenges that causes a person to grow. It is based upon a deep-seated mutual respect for who the person really is and who you are as well.
John's initial excitement always turned into a low. He was using adventure in relationships to hide from the underlying sadness he carried inside. As Erich Fromm says in The Art of Loving, if a person is attached to another person because they cannot feel good and alive on their own, the relationship may be a lifesaver, but the relationship is not one of love.
For others adventure means having lots of women, not staying long with any of them. When Warren was asked what made do this he said, "Well, I had the wanderlust and the grass was always greener somewhere else. But I never left for anyone else. I always knew there were plenty of women out there waiting for me."
Having all those different woman was a thrill for him. Each woman touched off something new within. "When you meet a new person, you're entering a whole new world" he said. "And when you're on the chase and there's a new person, there's a lot of passion involved. You don't get that in a marriage. Those are nice things to experience - you feel vital and alive and men long for that."
For Warren, his single life and sexual freedom was life giving, loving. When he left he didn't see himself as leaving the women, but enjoying them fully and then moving on. He never approached them looking for a longer term commitment. The relationship just was what it was.
When asked what made him commit in a relationship and feel good being there, he said, "A woman really has to be her own person and not too needy. I don't get off on the fact that the woman is dependent upon me. Also when a woman gives too much approval, goes along with everything I want, I feel stifled and want to go. In a way they are saying, look at all I am doing for you; you have to do the same in return. They give no breathing room."
It is important for both women and men to be aware if the person they are with craves adventure or if they do. Below are some guidelines on how to handle it:
FOR WOMEN
Be yourself. Don't change to please them. It never works.
Realize that when this man is restless, bored, pr needs space to explore, it's his need for adventure, not a rejection of who you are.
Listen carefully if a man tells you to back off. These men mean it.
Keep yourself interesting and challenging. You need growth and adventure, too.
When the time comes to go, let him go graciously. Holding on only backfires.
FOR MEN
Make sure you choose a woman who can respect your need for adventure and is not looking for security in the relationship.
Find women who are challenging to you in positive ways. A woman who is constantly growing can be a source of ongoing stimulation.
Realize that there are many aspects of life that can be changed and renewed. It doesn't always have to be your partner. Changing one partner for another can be a camouflage for real change.
The greatest adventure is finding out who you truly are, and living from your highest values. The thrill of this discovery never wears thin.
About The Author: Hear men tell in their own words why they left and what is needed to make a relationship work. Top psychologist,divorce mediator, presents an eye-opening look at relationships in Why Men Leave, http://www.whymenleave.com. Free ezine, articles http://www.brendashoshanna.com, topspeaker@yahoo.com
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Article Title: How Love Grows (Practical Steps To Keeping Love Alive)
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
Word Count: 790
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We are meant to live a life of love. However, no matter how successful some are in other aspects of their lives, they don't feel it's possible to have the same success in love. They tell themselves to "be realistic." But being in love is the most mature and realistic thing you can do. The real question is, how can we learn to help love grow in all aspects of our lives? Here are some steppingstones will show how to help love grow.
The One Right Besides You
Most of the time we are either searching for the right person or wanting to change the one we are with. We do not take a precious moment to stop and truly see the one who is right in front of our eyes.
Look at a person who is close to you right now – anyone it happens to be. Notice what you are demanding of them in order to be happy together. Then notice the ways in which you push them away.
For a moment, stop it. Spend time just being together. Allow things to go whatever way they do. Let all of it be fine just as it is. Tomorrow, do the same thing with someone else. The more we can be "right" and happy with each person we meet, the fuller and more joyous our lives will be.
Playing At The Game of Love
So many complain that they are not loved. The reason for this can be quite simple. They are so busy playing roles and games that the partner never gets to know who they really are. They never know either.
Notice what roles (or games) you play in relationships, and what roles you demand others play.. See if you are in love with the person you are with, or with the role he/she is playing right now.
Turn this around for a little while. Stop playing roles completely. Love is not a game we play. Love is knowing and accepting yourself and the other exactly as they are. Who we are is always loveable and beautiful. It's the roles that get in the way.
Letting Him Come and Letting Him Go
One great obstacle in living a life of love is the tendency to hold on. We grasp and cling to those we care for, preventing their freedom and ease. But this is not love, it is attachment and dependency. In the long run it suffocates the one you cling to and suffocates you too.
Try giving it up for awhile. Let the person come and go as they feel. See how wonderful both of you will feel when you grant your partner this kind of trust. It is said that we can never lose that which belongs to us.
It's important to put this into action. When someone comes into your life (or day) practice letting him come. Welcome the person – whoever he is. Enjoy what it is he brings.When it is time for a person to go away, practice letting him go. Do not turn the person's leaving into an experience of rejection, loss or abandonment. Realize that his leaving has nothing to do with you. It is simply time for him to go.
Do this with yourself as well. Let yourself come and go freely in life, not tying yourself in unnecessary chains. The more we free others and ourselves, the more love can grow.
Letting Go Of Unnecessary Expectations
Many feel that love is not possible unless all their demands are met. They can be quite amazed to discover that even when these demands are met, nothing really changes. These demands don't lead to happiness. They just may be obstacles to love.
Take a look at what you feel is absolutely necessary in relationships. Realize this Expectations may be keeping all kinds of people and possibilities away. Not only that, these expectations can be making you fearful and rigid, not open to what is available.
Let one of these demands subside. At first let it go for just one day and see how it feels. (Remember you can always take it back again). Now try another the next day. As we do this many times, we may find that that which we thought was crucial was only getting in the way. The more we do this the lighter we will feel and all kinds of new people will start appearing in our lives. We have made room.
Cc/author/2007
About The Author: Discover the surprising truths about love that will save your relationship, in Dr. Shoshanna's top e-book Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships). http://www.truthaboutlove.com. Psychologist, relationship expert, speaker, and noted author has helped thousands become stable.
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- "Brenda Shoshanna" <submissions@isnare.net> Mar 26 08:40AM +0800
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Article Title: Find Out How It's Impossible To Fail At Love
Author: Brenda Shoshanna
Word Count: 695
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Usually relationships start out wonderfully. Everyone's thrilled. They feel that finally they've found the "one". Then as time passes, as problems come up and old patterns start re-appearing, they begin wondering where has the love gone. Even when each person is trying as hard as they can, unexpected obstacles often arise that cannot be overcome. Many feel lost when this happens. They do not know what went wrong, how to correct misunderstandings or what to do to make things right again.
. When a relationship ends, many feel like a failure, like they won't find someone new, or be able to love again. However, stop a moment and consider. We would never try to build a building without first getting an architect's plan. Without a strong foundation, any passing storm would easily knock the building down. The same is true of relationships.
Yet, so many jump into relationships wanting to fly to the heights without having any understanding of how to build a foundation that will allow their love to stand tall and strong. It seems to them that love is a mystery. They mistake all kinds of emotions, needs and fantasies for the real thing.
Just as an architect knows and respects the laws of gravity, we too must know and work with the basic laws of love. These laws operate unfailingly. They are the cornerstone of all relationships and guidelines for the human heart. Once we learn and apply the basic laws of love, it becomes truly impossible to fail at love.
But rather than learn these simple laws, many have absorbed all kinds of myths about love and relationships. They live as though these myths were true and when they do not come to pass, blame themselves and others. However, it is extremely important to realize that the only thing that causes hurt, loss, or distress in relationships are the myths we are living with. Once we replace these myths with the simple laws of love, a whole new world opens. Confusion is cleared up and we naturally see the right steps to take.
This article shows how some basic laws of love quickly dissolve myths and misunderstanding.
Law #1- It's impossible to fail at love. Love is your original nature.
All pain or suffering in relationships is caused by lack of understanding of what love truly is. No one is a failure in love. Our mistakes, losses, confusion and mishaps simply arise out of our ignorance of who we are and what love truly is. When we have pain, suffering and upset relationships, none of it is caused by love. Love is our original nature. Once we dissolve misunderstandings about love, it's impossible for our love not to shine through.
Law #2: There's a difference between real and counterfeit love.
Most do not know the difference between real and counterfeit love. Like a mirage in a desert, counterfeit love cannot quench your thirst. Counterfeit love is the illusion of love, and this illusion confuses us in many ways. In order to know what real love is, we must know what it is not:
Love is not feeling excitement, infatuation, dependency or possessiveness.
If we have strong feelings for a person and feel very sad when they go away, this is attachment, not love. If we think about a person all the time, it could be obsession. If we think the person is the answer to our dreams and will finally make us happy, this is idealization.
Real love is beyond all this. Love is a verb and grows through time, deeds and understanding. Love does not bring unhappiness, it brings fulfillment, healing, kindness, warmth and inspiration. When you know what real love is, and how to make it grow, it becomes impossible to fail at love. You then will know how to build relationships that are based on a strong foundation, that allow you to become all you were meant to be, relationships that can never fall apart.
Cc/author/2007
About The Author: Discover the surprising truths about love that will save your relationship,in tops selling e-book Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships). http://www.truthaboutlove.com. Noted Psychologist,has helped thousands. Free ezine at http://www.brendashoshanna.com, topspeaker@yahoo
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- "Tony Isaacs" <submissions@isnare.net> Mar 26 08:30AM +0800
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Article Title: Beat and Treat ADD and ADHD Without Drugs
Author: Tony Isaacs
Word Count: 619
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ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and ADHD (Attention Hyperactivity Deficit Disorder) are similar conditions. ADD is now often known as ADD/WO, meaning "attention deficit without hyperactivity"). Fortunately, such conditions may be prevented or improved with diet and supplementation instead of risky mainstream drugs.
Though ADD and ADHD may in part be syndromes created to describe age-old problems and publicized in order to sell drugs, it is also likely that modern living conditions are resulting in an increase in childhood and adult behavior and attention problems.
The suspected culprits for increased behavior and attention problems are multiple: excessive sugar and high fructose corn syrup, lack of vital nutrients, increased environmental toxins, increased vaccinations, food additives such as MSG, GMO crops, and exposure to microwaves and other electro magnetic radiation. In addition, lack of proper nurturing and parenting likely plays a big role as well.
One must remember that the brain is a vital organ just like the heart, lungs, liver, etc., and it needs optimum nutrition to function properly. Sadly, today's SAD diet of fast foods, snacks & junk foods, microwavable meals and processed foods on the grocers' shelves has left most of our kids, and us, woefully deficient in a great many nutrients the body was designed to utilize. Sometimes the consequences manifest themselves early on, and other times it is down the road a ways. But you can bet that there will be consequences if not addressed and corrected.
The first thing to do is to cut one's consumption of sugar to a minimum. Excessive refined sugar has been linked heavily to ADD, ADHD, bipolar, depression and other mental disorders. Also avoid alcohol, caffeine, and refined foods.
Eat good sources of lean protein, such as cold water fish, including salmon, herring, and mackerel and free range organic chicken and turkey. Include plentiful Omega 3s.
Though low-carb and no-carb foods and diets have been popular in recent years, carbohydrates are an essential energy source for the body and mind. The key is to insure that you are receiving the right kinds of carbohydrates. Unhealthy carbohydrates result in too much sugar which causes the problems we are trying to prevent. Healthy carbohydrates can be found in fruits, vegetables and whole grains. Examples are: apples, oranges, peaches, grapefruit, carrots, Brussels sprouts, beans, and whole wheat bread.
Supplement with magnesium (one a 1-2 ratio with calcium) if you are unsure that you are getting enough of this vital mineral. Various studies have indicated that anywhere from 80 to 95% of us are deficient in magnesium and symptoms include mental disorders, light or restless sleep, daytime sleepiness, and inability to concentrate.
Some other suggested supplements:
* GABA (Gamma-amino-butyric acid) - calms the body
* Pycnogenol and/or Grapeseed Extract - powerful antioxidants offering cellular protection for the body and brain
* Quercitin - prevents allergies from aggravating symptoms
* SAMe (S-Adenosylmethionine) - aids in relieving stress and pain (Note: do not use in the event of manic-depressive disorder or if on prescription antidepressants)
* Gingko - enhances blood supply to the brain and improves nerve cell function
* Colloidal gold - can improve mood and focus
* Valerian root extract - has been used for ADD with dramatic results and no side effects
Lastly, consider a good all around whole food vitamin, mineral and other essential nutrient product. Some of the many benefits of getting regular optimum amounts of essential vitamins, minerals and other nutrients include:
* Neuro-cognitive brain function
* Focus and concentration
* Mood regulation
* Short and long term memory
* Sleep and wake cycle
* Sugar control
* Brain growth and development
About The Author: Tony Isaacs, is a natural health researcher and author of books and articles about natural health including http://www.rose-laurel.com/ Cancer's Natural Enemy. Mr. Isaacs also has The Best Years in Life website for baby boomers and others wishing to live longer, healthier and happier lives.
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